Just thought I should check in

Truck is packed and leaving really really early in the morning.

Farewell AZ~

I'll miss the people but never the heat~ <3

So... As some of you may now, this was my last weekend in Az (free one that is, with Sabo taking up next weekend completly)And I spent it alone v.v ... which is depressing - But not like I can do much about it now.

But really that's only a bit of what's been bothering me lately. I started to realize some things about the last fight I had with my mother that really started to hurt the more I thought about it, and of course now I can't get it out of my head.

To explain...

Just before I left her house we had an emense fight about why I was leaving. And when I called her out on the things she did she said: "I'm sorry that for eight month out of your eighteen years of life I screwed up!!" (No your ears do not fool you, that is her using everything she did to say I was over reacting)

Eight months...

Something about that at the time was weird, but I never questioned it. Recently I realized why...

It wasn't eight months. It was fourteen. We were in the apartment house for a year, and then it continued until the october after we moved into the townhouse.

I realized... she thinks I'm blaming her for her affair, and that's it. For one she ought to know enough about her child to realized I didn't give a damn. And secondly... she doesn't realize, or even think what she did to me was wrong at ALL!

I guess there's nothing wrong with leaving your child in an apartment all alone for days and weeks on end. There's nothing wrong with forcing them to use their small part time paychecks to buy their own groceries, because you were never around to do so. There's nothing wrong with coming home after they've gone to bed (and I go to bed pretty late) and leaving before they wake up the the morning! I mean fuck! I was only sixteen/seventeen! Yet I lived practically alone in that apartment for a year. Geez, I don't know if even Kegawa realized that while we were giving her rides to school my mother would show up sometimes ten to twenty minutes before SHE did! It's not like I never said any thing! I TALKED to her about it! At one point I fucking broke down crying and almost begged her to stop fucking ignoring me for so long!

And you know what!?

That's all MY FrakkING FAULT!

Because I READ too much, but I'm on the COMPUTER, because I don't TALK very much. According to her those things are the reason that everything she did is MY FAULT! Forget that she would blow off everything I said to her. Make fun of anything I cared for. And so on. But worse, anytime I tried to tell anybody about what was going on - SHE steps in and tells them I'm OVERREACTING!

UGH! damnit...

Anyway... rant aside... I'm feeling really... hurt... by the whole thing, much more so recently because she tried to keep up this buddy buddy thing like none of it meant anything in the first place and she's already forgotten about it...

*sigh*

So, since it's been awhile I figured I should update this thing cause I always forget about it.

So I've got less then a month left in Az (Heading out the first weekend of November). I actually gotta start working on re packing most of my things, because a few of the boxes I had broke while I was rumagging through them. Oh well, it'll be better putting smaller boxes in a thruck then bigger one, I'll probably invest in some packing tape to.

Also, Saboten's the weekend before I leave so that ones pretty full as well. Lot's to do, and it seems really far away, but everytime I look at the calander I realize it's like getting closer each day ><

Anyway, Saturday was my grandparents 50th Anniversary party, so my dad, stepmom, and younger brothers were here in town for it. I was told that my room is painted, and my bedding is ordered. You can tell my dad's not very interested in that sort of thing, he was all : "It's very.... er.. blue." And well it is, but you know, being a gal I have to point out that's it's blue-green >< a a dark sortta stormy blue-green at that. My bedding that I asked for is black, just black. Well, it's velvet too.

Back to the 50th thing though, it's the first time in a looooooong time I've been together with my Dad and stepmom, and ALL of my brothers (I have one older two younger). And it's the first time I've heard my older brother comment on what he thinks about our mother. It was interesting o_________o we actually TALKED! weird XD. I can't help but wonder if he was putting on a show for my dad and stepmom. But it was fun anyway, except I'm totally exhausted now those couple a days were killer, with making decorations being forced to buy NICE clothing (XP) Okay to be fair I LOVE LOVE LOVE the jacket and shirt I got, I'm not so big on dress pants, but I'd actually like more jackets like the one I got, cause it's comfy!

-_____- my dad was supposed to bring my tablet with him. But he got here and I asked, then he looked at me and froze: "You know where it is?" "The Kitchen counter?" "The kitchen counter..."

>___< Fun times. My personalities alot like my dads really (except that we're interested in waaaaay different things and stuff like that), so I kinda had a feeling.

I may post some beach pictures I got whiel I was in WA over the summer, dunno if I wanna though really.

Took Yuki to the vet. Found out I should have taken her sooner.

She had torn out her claws, (the sheaths if you're cat savvy), completly from her nail beds.

Two feet had infections. Now she's on more meds, and has to be completly isolated for a few weeks.

It appears that the cause was the trip up here to WA, she was thrashing around, and tore up the bed at the bottom of her soft carrier. Turns out there was wood inside to keep the bottom stiff, and tearing at it is what caused it.

Bought a new bed insert for her carrier, one without wood, and a blanket of her own, she has to use paper pellet litter for while, at least until they heal.

Goddess bless.... I don' tknow what I would have done if I had waited to long and the infection got worse...

I'm still shaking right now from when they showed me what had happened to her feet.

I nearly had a heart attack while they examined her and called over to me: "Has she been declawed??"

Of course my cat isn't, I don't agree with it... she told why she had thought that and explain what was wrong after that part.

There's a few more things that had happens to her too, but i'm already shook up enough so I think i'm gonna stop right here for now...

update again later.

In Washington.

Yuki got hurt. I don' tknow how it happened, but the pads on one of her paws are swollen, and at least one of her claws is badly damaged.

We have to get a appointment with a vet, but I'm really worried about her.

I'm so stupid... I should have looked at them sooner when I noticed she wasn't extending her claws like normal.